Wow, it’s been a long time since I last wrote a blog post. I wish I had an exciting excuse, but I don’t. I had carpal tunnel surgery in December, but that was only an excuse for not blogging for about three weeks – max. Since then, I think it’s just been my usual excuses: afraid of not writing a good post, frozen with fear of looming unemployment, frustrated with my procrastination and perfection… in other words, the usual.
Forgiving myself again.
So, I decided to write this today to rehash an old subject… forgiving yourself. Today I forgive myself for all the things that have held me back the last couple of months — all the fear, uncertainty, procrastination and perfectionism that causes a perfect storm of inaction for me from time to time.
I lost my cool.
Getting back on the blogging wagon wasn’t really what prompted this post though. You know what did? I lost my cool a couple of weeks ago. I deeply, strongly, totally believe in positive reinforcement training for my dogs (for all dogs), but I got so frustrated with one of our dogs a couple of weeks ago that I did something to get what I wanted. I forced a response that I could have just as easily got using my skills and my brain. It was a moment in time that stuck with me and burned into my conscience. Don’t worry, no dogs were harmed in the inspiration for this post. It wasn’t anything major. But as soon as it happened, I felt guilty. Sooo guilty. How could I do something that so clearly goes against everything I believe in?
Shit happens.
You know what I’ve decided after beating myself up for a while? Shit happens. It was not my best moment, but it doesn’t define my relationship with dogs, my skills as a trainer, or mean I should pack it all up and head for the hills. Instead, I needed to take a second, admit to myself I did something I am not proud of, decide what I learned from the moment, move on… and forgive myself. That doesn’t mean I would do it again. In fact, now I know I’ll be even more patient with all dogs I work with moving forward, but I did learn something.
8 tips when this happens to you.
It’s so dang easy to lose your cool, even when you know all the better ways. Dogs can push your patience, just like all kinds of other things in your life. Maybe you are more patient than me and never lose it (must be nice – tell me how you do that!), but if not, if you’ve ever found yourself reacting to your dog, your family members, your friends, your co-workers, or your life in a way that you find embarrassing, here are my tips:
- Take a moment to breathe. Relax.
- Stop reacting. Just stop. Don’t make it worse. Walk away if you have to.
- Take some time to process what happened. Don’t place blame, make an action plan, or in any other way run your car off the road the second it happens.
- Figure out what triggered your response. Were you frustrated? Embarrassed? Hurt?
- Remind yourself what your core values are. You are not that one moment. You are so much more than that.
- Decide what you would do if you were in that situation again. Think it all the way through. Start with your values, then walk through the situation and what your reaction will be if there is a next time.
- FORGIVE YOURSELF.
- GO LIVE YOUR DAMN LIFE.